Hello again team,
I'm back. And I went to brunch. But not just any brunch. Club brunch.
What is club brunch you might ask? Well let me tell you. It's exactly what it sounds like unless you think it sounds like brunch at a country club, in which case it's absolutely nothing like it sounds. Club brunch is brunch for people who just didn't feel like stopping the party from the night before. But before I go too into detail, let me give you a little backstory:
It was one of my friends birthdays this weekend and for her actual birthday celebration on Sunday, she decided she wanted to go to this place called Gem and their event called "club brunch." Now as many of you are well aware, I have the stamina of a 90-year-old now that I've started grad school so mustering any kind of energy is a task. Luckily for my friends, they had the foresight not to tell me what I was about to get myself into so that I would be sure to attend (let's be real, promise me breakfast food and you could get me anywhere).
We arrive at club brunch and from outside can already hear the music. But to make the patrons even more confused, the inside of the building looks like an old Victorian building that has been turned into a club... except someone forgot to take all the pictures of our forefathers off the walls (for the record, I have a feeling our forefathers could have used a good club brunch). The permeating odor in the room made it seem like they were trying to cover up a murder and the trap doors in the walls only added to that. $40 worth of sandwich and 2 beverages later, the "club" was packed and I had lost my voice. I had also seen a gaggle of (or possibly just one rapidly moving) girls wearing fake police hats trying to "reprimand" brunch-goers. At this point it was 3pm. Lest you remember it was daytime and start to reevaluate your life choices, they pulled down the blackout curtains. However, I did not realize that pulling down the blackout curtains meant it was time for a Native American light show. Apparently that's what happens with the DJ change at club brunch. A group of scantily-clad waitresses wearing neon Native American accessories being lead by their... um... manager? chief?... with her large chief's headdress come parading out of the secret wall-door with what I can only describe as flashing seizure light sticks and suddenly make all the tables in the room disappear to create a giant dance floor. Except no one was dancing. Which made the whole situation even weirder. Everyone was standing around slightly moving (disclaimer: I in no way am saying that I have the ability to dance, I'm just saying that I can spot not-dancing when I see it). But in the same positions they would be in at a club: on chairs, in groups, waiving seizure lights. It was like the twilight zone.
BUT the real kicker of club brunch was the clientele, namely: bro's. There were SO MANY BRO'S at club brunch!!! On it's own, this wouldn't really cause me to think twice, however, WHAT would that conversation be like. I would like to think it goes a little bit like this:
Bro 1: Hey. Hey Bro... Uh... Wanna go to brunch tomorrow?
Bro 2: Sweet, man. I've been looking for an excuse to wear this sick new shirt. It's perfect for brunch. And I really love eggs Benedict.
Bro 1: Dude HELL. YEAH. I know this sweet spot man. CLUB brunch. It's like a club. But in the daytime. And with bacon.
.... so maybe I have no idea how that would go.... but it made so little sense I'm surprised I could even get 3 lines out of it. Really it would probably be just like this clip from How I Met Your Mother but with more fist pumping followed by excessively long pauses of awkward standing around and looking uncomfortable.
With that gem, I leave you possibly as confused as club brunch left me. You are welcome.
I'm back. And I went to brunch. But not just any brunch. Club brunch.
What is club brunch you might ask? Well let me tell you. It's exactly what it sounds like unless you think it sounds like brunch at a country club, in which case it's absolutely nothing like it sounds. Club brunch is brunch for people who just didn't feel like stopping the party from the night before. But before I go too into detail, let me give you a little backstory:
It was one of my friends birthdays this weekend and for her actual birthday celebration on Sunday, she decided she wanted to go to this place called Gem and their event called "club brunch." Now as many of you are well aware, I have the stamina of a 90-year-old now that I've started grad school so mustering any kind of energy is a task. Luckily for my friends, they had the foresight not to tell me what I was about to get myself into so that I would be sure to attend (let's be real, promise me breakfast food and you could get me anywhere).
We arrive at club brunch and from outside can already hear the music. But to make the patrons even more confused, the inside of the building looks like an old Victorian building that has been turned into a club... except someone forgot to take all the pictures of our forefathers off the walls (for the record, I have a feeling our forefathers could have used a good club brunch). The permeating odor in the room made it seem like they were trying to cover up a murder and the trap doors in the walls only added to that. $40 worth of sandwich and 2 beverages later, the "club" was packed and I had lost my voice. I had also seen a gaggle of (or possibly just one rapidly moving) girls wearing fake police hats trying to "reprimand" brunch-goers. At this point it was 3pm. Lest you remember it was daytime and start to reevaluate your life choices, they pulled down the blackout curtains. However, I did not realize that pulling down the blackout curtains meant it was time for a Native American light show. Apparently that's what happens with the DJ change at club brunch. A group of scantily-clad waitresses wearing neon Native American accessories being lead by their... um... manager? chief?... with her large chief's headdress come parading out of the secret wall-door with what I can only describe as flashing seizure light sticks and suddenly make all the tables in the room disappear to create a giant dance floor. Except no one was dancing. Which made the whole situation even weirder. Everyone was standing around slightly moving (disclaimer: I in no way am saying that I have the ability to dance, I'm just saying that I can spot not-dancing when I see it). But in the same positions they would be in at a club: on chairs, in groups, waiving seizure lights. It was like the twilight zone.
BUT the real kicker of club brunch was the clientele, namely: bro's. There were SO MANY BRO'S at club brunch!!! On it's own, this wouldn't really cause me to think twice, however, WHAT would that conversation be like. I would like to think it goes a little bit like this:
Bro 1: Hey. Hey Bro... Uh... Wanna go to brunch tomorrow?
Bro 2: Sweet, man. I've been looking for an excuse to wear this sick new shirt. It's perfect for brunch. And I really love eggs Benedict.
Bro 1: Dude HELL. YEAH. I know this sweet spot man. CLUB brunch. It's like a club. But in the daytime. And with bacon.
.... so maybe I have no idea how that would go.... but it made so little sense I'm surprised I could even get 3 lines out of it. Really it would probably be just like this clip from How I Met Your Mother but with more fist pumping followed by excessively long pauses of awkward standing around and looking uncomfortable.
With that gem, I leave you possibly as confused as club brunch left me. You are welcome.
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